Outsource This!

Sunday morning, July 14th, 3:17 am. Six foot five inches tall, by the measure at the front door. Two hundred forty pounds, in my estimation. Blue jeans, a red Cardinals baseball cap, no facial hair, but needed a shave. Three hours of training to be assistant night manager at 7-11 paid off. No clue, though, [...] Read more »

Breaking News! One Monkey Typing Publishing Company is Denied Financial Assistance!

Tax Increment Financing(TIF) Voted Down by City of Westwood Sources close to the city council of Westwood, Kansas, have shared information with Dane Zeller, editor-in-chief of One Monkey Typing that his application for tax increment financing has been denied. Wishing to remain anonymous, the source described the vote as “not even close”, and accompanied by [...] Read more »

Tax Preparation Reform…….Naaah.

It’s too late for my insidious practice alert (ipAlert). Your CPA, protective of his time, scheduled your meeting on February 1st. You went. You’re done. No fuss, no worry, no tension caused by an impending tax filing deadline. Forget this insidious practice of early tax filing. The problems with early filing: 1. You give up [...] Read more »

Road Rage at Zero Miles Per Hour

Yeah, buddy, there’s a reason your ’86 Volvo is moving forward while your transmission is in park. You went over your allotted time for ordering at the Burger King drive-up window. How complicated can your order be? How confusing can five items on a menu be? You got your hamburger; you got your fries; you [...] Read more »

Taxpayer Asks: What’s The Rush?

My Annual Friends

It’s too late for my insidious practice alert (ipAlert). Your CPA, protective of his time, scheduled your meeting on February 1st. You went. You’re done. No fuss, no worry, no tension caused by an impending tax filing deadline. Forget this insidious practice of early tax filing. The problems with early filing: 1. You give up [...] Read more »

Poet Laureate Apologizes to His Fans

You may have misunderstood me. The truth of the matter is that I’m retiring from my job as Poet Laureate of Olathe, Kansas. I will still be making my living writing other forms of literature, like short stories, epic novels, and recipes for chocolate fudge. I’ve decided that the rules and mandates of poetry are [...] Read more »

College Professor Destroys New Year’s Resolutions

In a study submitted to “The Journal of the Psychology of Economics”, Professor Dane Zeller has shown the deleterious effects of the making of New Year’s resolutions. “Centering a resolution on January 1st of the new year has the effect of postponing good habits until the end of the year. No one uses August 1st [...] Read more »

The Lord Giveth; Let Him Take it Away

Another insidious practice alert by Dane Zeller: shoveling snow. There, a few more things out of my garage and I’ll be able to park my car inside this winter. You may think I’ve been hasty in my decision to throw away my snow shovel. Not so. God drops snow on all of my neighborhood. He [...] Read more »

Local Author Fails at Writing

NaNoWriMo (National Write a Novel in a Month) is a writing project that is sweeping the nation. This is the fourth day of the month, and if you divide the number of days (30) into the number of words (50,000), your daily quota is 1,666 words. Your counters should stand at near 4000 right now. [...] Read more »

ipALERT !!! Your Dog Doesn’t Want to Wear a Costume on Halloween: An Insidious Practice Alert !

You might think your dog looks cute with a Donald Trump wig on at Halloween, but “cute” is not a dog concept. If King is wagging his tail and smiling when you photograph him in his Aardvark, or Mongoose, costume, do not misunderstand his behavior. He is planning to visit dog karma on you, not [...] Read more »

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