AT&T Technical Support: You break it, you pay for it.

My Directv receiver shut down last night. I got a diagnostic code, and the screen said to reboot the device. I did. Then it told me to call technical support. I did. She couldn’t reboot it. She said I would have to pay $20 to ship a new receiver, and then pay $8.95 per month [...] Read more »

Poet Laureate Apologizes to His Fans

You may have misunderstood me. The truth of the matter is that I’m retiring from my job as Poet Laureate of Olathe, Kansas. I will still be making my living writing other forms of literature, like short stories, epic novels, and recipes for chocolate fudge. I’ve decided that the rules and mandates of poetry are [...] Read more »

DaNang, 1965

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A Letter to President Pzbiackiy

Dr. Paul Pzbiackiy President and Chairman of the Board Hawthorne University (the name of the university has been changed to protect the perpetrators.) Dear Dr. Pzbiackiy, Greetings from academia here at Hawthorne University. I trust you’ll interpret this letter as a hope for better education at our esteemed University, and not a basis for my [...] Read more »

Insidious Practice Alert #9. Don’t Put Your Dog in a Costume for Halloween

You might think your dog looks cute with a Donald Trump wig on at Halloween, but “cute” is not a dog concept. If King is wagging his tail and smiling when you photograph him in his Aardvark, or Mongoose, costume, do not misunderstand his behavior. He is planning to visit dog karma on you, not [...] Read more »

Warning! Write a Novel in a Month, Month is Coming Up (Insidious Practice Alert #27)

November is coming up. The month has been designated NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. Be alert. It means what it says. You join the group, you commit to writing a50,000 word novel in thirty days.  It is a project fraught with simple rules: 1. Any 50,000 words will do. (Now, they do require that [...] Read more »

Paying for Healthcare? Easy.

Step 1. Go to your state lawmakers. Step 2. Ask for an increase in sales taxes on carbohydrates. Step 3. Require grocery stores and restaurants to collect the tax and send to a little room in your state capital building. Step 4. Have doctors and residents sign up to use the fund. Step 5. Have [...] Read more »

We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Minimum Wage Laws

One of our most silly human traits is our waiting on our duly elected representatives to decide on legislation that will harm his/her political future the least. I suggest this simple solution: we ask our business owners to raise the pay of their workers. Seriously. Raise your wages. It will be cheaper for you. People [...] Read more »

Insidious Practice Alert #65, How The Bottom 1% Can Build Their Own Community.

It was a brilliant idea, this Tax Increment Financing. Find a blighted area that is not contributing to the property tax base, build a 73 million dollar multi-use complex of apartments and businesses. Exempt the builder from those nagging property taxes that are produced by new developments, thus, blight, crime, and stench are replaced by [...] Read more »

Outsource This!

Sunday morning, July 14th, 3:17 am. Six foot five inches tall, by the measure at the front door. Two hundred forty pounds, in my estimation. Blue jeans, a red Cardinals baseball cap, no facial hair, but needed a shave. Three hours of training to be assistant night manager at 7-11 paid off. No clue, though, [...] Read more »

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