Shocking Claim by Author: “I wrote my whole novel on a portable Smith-Corona manual typewriter.”

The following interview of author Dane Zeller is conducted by Mr. O.M. Typing, editor of One Monkey Typing publications. OM: Good afternoon, Mr. Zeller. DZ: Good to be here, Mr. Typing. OM: It is indeed an honor to interview such a distinguished writer who claims to have written his novel on a manual typewriter. DZ: [...] Read more »

Ken Kappelmann Slays Dragon and Seriously Injures Self-published Author

by Dane Zeller It was a warm, foreboding morning at the 2013 Kansas Book Festival. My first book festival paired me with Kenneth Kappelmann, author of the fantasy “The Return of the Dragons” (Tate Publishing). Ken was early enough to have his books and signs set out, and kind and tall enough to help string [...] Read more »

Murder at the Ballpark: A Love Story

by Dane Zeller I was pouring coffee in the employee lounge when Hugo approached. I gasped. Our conversation could answer my questions: who would I live with for the rest of my life, who would be the father of my children, and would this gorgeous hunk invite me out? “Is there coffee left?” Oh my. [...] Read more »

FBI Agent Threatens Writer With Arrest and Prosecution

In today’s climate of transparency, I must divulge a threat made to me by one John Edward, an agent of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. My response to his surprising letter is included. Federal Bureau of Investigation Field Intelligence Unit J. Edgar Hoover Building. 935 Pennsylvania Ave NW Washington, DC 20535, USA. Urgent Attention: Beneficiary, [...] Read more »

Publisher Attempts Extradition of Leaker of Book Manuscript

Yesterday, a reporter from the Daily Times requested an interview with our company for their coverage of the leaking of a chapter from Dane Zeller’s unfinished novel, “Deadly Soup.” The following interview of our Chief of Security, Bronco Monk, has been edited for brevity. Times: Mr. Monk, could you give me the name of your [...] Read more »

Technician at Publishing House Leaks Author’s Unfinished Book

Hello, I must remain anonymous because I could lose my job doing this. The editor of Dane Zeller’s new book, “Deadly Soup,” is nitpicking the manuscript so much that the book will never get published.This is a disservice to the author, and to the private investigator, Donald Milkey. I have the password to the blog, [...] Read more »

Noted Author Shoots Aspiring Writer at Workshop

Steve Almond, creator of “God Bless America: Stories”, pulled a pistol from a briefcase and shot Dane Zeller in his left hand, immediately following Zeller’s reading of his in-class assignment. Those who have taken Almond’s courses before confirm that he carries a gun to emphasize his points and to motivate his students. According to the [...] Read more »

The Proper Order of Things for Writers

by Dane Zeller Wanna buy my book? For writers, that really is the reason we blog, post on facebook, tweet. We build our “platforms,” so people will like us…and then…buy our book. We’ve got this all wrong. In an earlier blog, I talked about Austin Kleon, a poet who creates his poetry by taking a [...] Read more »

Author Recovers From Ninth Grade English Class; Suffers Another Lesson

Miss Grimshaw, my English teacher, beat me in our 9th grade classroom. Metaphorically, of course. I stood defenseless at my desk as she slung words at me, like, “prepositional phrase” and “dependent clause.” Furthermore, she applied large red “X’s” to the places where I had randomly put commas, colons, and semi-colons in my paper. She [...] Read more »

Personal Finance Question “Should I Buy or Rent My Home?” Answered by OneBanana Two

If you’re deciding to buy or rent your home, consider this: both choices force you to depend on a partner. If you buy, you will have a banker as a new friend. If you rent, you will sign a deal with a landlord. Who’s your best new friend? Would it be the banker who will [...] Read more »

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