Poet Laureate Apologizes to His Fans

You may have misunderstood me. The truth of the matter is that I’m retiring from my job as Poet Laureate of Olathe, Kansas. I will still be making my living writing other forms of literature, like short stories, epic novels, and recipes for chocolate fudge. I’ve decided that the rules and mandates of poetry are [...] Read more »

Local Author Fails at Writing

NaNoWriMo (National Write a Novel in a Month) is a writing project that is sweeping the nation. This is the fourth day of the month, and if you divide the number of days (30) into the number of words (50,000), your daily quota is 1,666 words. Your counters should stand at near 4000 right now. [...] Read more »

The Dark Side of Book Promotion: Brutal Honesty by Author

The following email exchange has been secured through the Freedom of Information Act. Hubert Maga Director of Funeral Processes 34 Dahomey St. Suite 102 Republic of Benin, A1P33 TelFax Number:0022-999-653-899 or +22-999-653-899. NOTICE OF FUNERAL INHERITANCE CLAIMS, BENEFICIARY CORRESPONDENCE Attention Mr. Dane Zeller, Goodday to you,happy new year to 2014 long life and prosperity,Definitely, I [...] Read more »

Shocking Claim by Author: “I wrote my whole novel on a portable Smith-Corona manual typewriter.”

The following interview of author Dane Zeller is conducted by Mr. O.M. Typing, editor of One Monkey Typing publications. OM: Good afternoon, Mr. Zeller. DZ: Good to be here, Mr. Typing. OM: It is indeed an honor to interview such a distinguished writer who claims to have written his novel on a manual typewriter. DZ: [...] Read more »

Ken Kappelmann Slays Dragon and Seriously Injures Self-published Author

by Dane Zeller It was a warm, foreboding morning at the 2013 Kansas Book Festival. My first book festival paired me with Kenneth Kappelmann, author of the fantasy “The Return of the Dragons” (Tate Publishing). Ken was early enough to have his books and signs set out, and kind and tall enough to help string [...] Read more »

Noted Author Shoots Aspiring Writer at Workshop

Steve Almond, creator of “God Bless America: Stories”, pulled a pistol from a briefcase and shot Dane Zeller in his left hand, immediately following Zeller’s reading of his in-class assignment. Those who have taken Almond’s courses before confirm that he carries a gun to emphasize his points and to motivate his students. According to the [...] Read more »

The Proper Order of Things for Writers

by Dane Zeller Wanna buy my book? For writers, that really is the reason we blog, post on facebook, tweet. We build our “platforms,” so people will like us…and then…buy our book. We’ve got this all wrong. In an earlier blog, I talked about Austin Kleon, a poet who creates his poetry by taking a [...] Read more »

How to Market Your Book in One Step (Pssst…hey buddy. Wanna buy a book?)

Dane Zeller, an editor at One Monkey Typing Publishing, is a minimalist. Eschewing the traditional 7-step or 10-step guide to marketing your self-published book, Zeller has distilled all you need to know into his 1-step recommendation. Readers, Thank goodness we’re rid of those obstinate gatekeepers, the literary agents. Now we can turn our attention to [...] Read more »

Lifestyle Author Loses His Muse

Hamlet Monk, author of “Hobo Soup,” has had an argument with his muse. One Monkey Typing microphones were inadvertently left on in Hamlet’s cubicle at the publisher’s headquarters. Hamlet: Well? Muse: So? Hamlet: Inspire me. Muse: Four score and… Hamlet: No, that’s a cliche; you’ll have to do better. Muse: …and I took the road [...] Read more »

Writer Helping Writers to Self-publish

The world of self-publishing is chaotic, at best. Hamlet Monk, author of “Hobo Soup,” offers advice to those authors who have stepped into this new world. Dear Mr. Monk, I have written a Romantic Mystery Science Fiction novel targeted to those between 15 and 90. (See attached, with links.) I have a facebook page, a [...] Read more »

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