Publishing Company Conducts Rare Interview

Editor of One Monkey Typing talks with elusive private eye:

OMT: I am talking today with Don Milkey, the protagonist of the book “Smart Shield.” Mr. Milkey, why didn’t your author come up with a more masculine name, like Don Firestone, or Dirk Tower?
DM: What’s wrong with Milkey? My parents were Milkeys, and they named me “Donald” after my grandfather who fought in WWII. They probably thought “Donald” was masculine.
OMT: Usually, the star of a dectective story is muscular, tall, daring, and has a name that implies all of that.
DM: Sorry to disappoint you. My girlfriend likes me.
OMT: What’s the story about?
DM: Well, this guy gets killed, and I’m hired by his wife to find out who killed him.
OMT: We’ve heard that at the time of the killing, you were employed as a security guard.
DM: Not true. I was under contract for protective services.
OMT: Yes, and you were fired from that job?
DM: “Fired” would not be an accurate term. We disagreed about correct procedures.
OMT: You didn’t make your rounds because you were asleep, according to our sources.

Donald Milkey

DM: Mr. editor, I’ve seen the photo you have placed in this article. Isn’t that a picture of a young Peter Falk?
OMT: We weren’t able to get a photo of you from your author.
DM: That’s because I’m a character in the novel. My picture is in the heads of the readers.
OMT: We needed to spice up the blog.
DM: But I’m not anything like Columbo.
OMT: Reviewers think you are.
DM: I don’t wear a wrinkled trench coat, and I don’t have a glass eye.
OMT: Who did the killing in your story?
DM: That would be the purpose of reading the book. Look in there, towards the end. You’ll find it.
OMT: I’d have to read your book, or most of it.
DM: $2.99, Kindle version on Amazon. Check it out. “Smart Shield.”
OMT: uh…
DM: What’s the matter? Never had a character pitch a book?
OMT: Right.

  • Dawn

    Columbo’s pretty smart but I think his trench coat is too clean for D. M. Come to think of it, does Milkey even own a trench coat? Wondering how OMT got hold of Milkey to schedule this interview, since he has a reputation for not answering his phone.

  • OMT

    Ms. Dawn, you are so perceptive! I have an email into the author about the trench coat. I don’t believe Milkey owns a trench coat. I think he has a corduroy sport jacket with one frayed sleeve. Also, I left a voice mail for Milkey six days ago. I just went up and knocked on his door until he let me in. I interviewed him at his apartment. No problem.

  • nomadwayoflife

    Well now, I never knew Columbo had a glass eye. Learn something new every day.

    • OMT

      It’s a long story, drifter. You see his dad got him a bb gun one Christmas…
      Thanks for tuning in to the interview.

  • Tim Baker

    Interviews like this almost make you feel like you’re talking to yourself…

    • danezeller

      Almost. He’s smarter than me, but I am the better dresser.

  • MT1

    OMT, tell Don I never thought he was anything like Columbo. Columbo dressed better.

    • danezeller

      Don would agree. He has no dingy trench coat.

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