Financial Expert Reveals His Top Pick

One BananaTwo, One Monkey Typing’s resident financial guru, reluctantly gives investment advice. Managing editor, Dane Zeller, interviews One.

Dr. One BananaTwo

Dane: Dr. BananaTwo, our readers are anxiously awaiting your advice for 2019.
One: uh…so?
Dane: So…what’s your best stock tip for 2019?
One: How should I know?
Dane: You’re the EXPERT!
One: And Donald Trump is the PRESIDENT!
Dane: Dr. BananaTwo, surely your powers for prediction are not blunted by whoever finds himself in the white house.
One: You’re kidding. You call Trump “whoever finds himself in the white house”?
Dane: It’s a manner of speaking.
One: It’s a stretch of your imagination.
Dane: One, we pay you to give predictions. Our readers are looking forward to your advice. (mhemhj;kjhjh)
One: What did you mumble?
Dane: I said MAKE IT UP!
One: Oh, okay. Oil.
Dane: Oil?
One: Yes. Oil.
Dane: Could you be a little more specific?
One: Not sure what you mean.
Dane: Saudi Crude? Oil futures? Oil derivatives? Gulf Premium?
One: No. Just oil.
Dane: Just oil.
One: You know, quarts.
Dane: Where do you invest in “quarts”?
One: Walmart’s a good place to start.
Dane: Walmart carries an investment vehicle?
One: Yes. It’s usually in the back of the store where they sell tires and shop towels.
Dane: We pay you to suggest we buy at Walmart?
One: You asked.
Dane: I’d need a pickup.
One: I suggest a bigger truck than that.
Dane: Maybe they’d deliver.
One: There you go! For a managing editor, you’ve got some financial savvy.
Dane: For a monkey, you’ve got some balls.
One: No. Oil, for the first quarter. Balls will be the second quarter tip.
Dane: This interview is over.
One: 10W-40
Dane: Over.