Writer Helping Writers to Self-publish

The world of self-publishing is chaotic, at best. Hamlet Monk, author of “Hobo Soup,” offers advice to those authors who have stepped into this new world.

Hamlet Monk


Dear Mr. Monk,
I have written a Romantic Mystery Science Fiction novel targeted to those between 15 and 90. (See attached, with links.) I have a facebook page, a twitter account, linkedn account, and I blog seven times a week. I have sold three books in the last six months. What is going wrong?

@isuckasawriter

Dear Suck,
May I suggest a few tweaks to your platform? 1.) Change your twitter name to @mysister998-453-0652, 2.) Go to Shutterstock and download anyone else’s portrait photo and use it as an avatar (even if it has “Shutterstock” as a watermark). 3.) Blog once every seven weeks. Oh, and there are actually two marks contained in each quotation mark. 4.) Get rid of your Facebook account. Develop your linkedn account, where you can more easily find a job. 5.) Target your book only to those people who enjoy a 12,000 word prologue.
Thanks for your question, isuck. I hope I’ve helped you.

If any readers have additional advice for isuck, please reply to this advice column. Also, if you have a question of your own, Hamlet Monk will answer it in the order of the pathos the writer is experiencing in their writing life.