One Monkey Typing Announces Winner of Scammie Award

After examining thousands of entries that flooded our email inbox, the editorial board has selected Cleon Bruford from the state of Arkansas for the 2012 Scammie Award. Here is his entry:

Hey, Bud!

I got your email address from the biggest flea market dealer in southwest Arkansas. He says you’re generous fella. Well, I’m in a predictorment that I hope you can help me with. There’s big bucks in it for you.

See, my aunt Clara Buxtom wrote me a check for mowing her lawn last Sunday. It was for $1.75. I was a little short of cash, so I took it to my local ATM, and put that check in an envelope and sent it right down that little chute. When I called it up, who’d a thought my account showed $1,750,000. I can’t even read that number, it’s so long. I may have punched the zero a coupla times.

Anyway, here’s my problem. I was going to dump that sucker out into my boot and take it home for safekeeping, but my Uncle Floyd, who helps Clum Specter do taxes for folks in town, says they gonna get me if I take out the money. He should know, he’s had a lot of meetings with important guys in suits, some people call ‘em feds.
Now it ain’t like them Nijeerian scams where you wire me money and I forget you’re alive, here’s the deal. There’s a Walmart outside of Stumbucket Arkansas down on highway 71, you can goodle it. There’s a 71 Lincoln Town Car sitting at the edge of the parking lot. Been there about two weeks, now.

I only do this for my aunt Clara who is dying from gall bladder cancer, she’s given me the last request. She wants a case of those new wide-mouth Bud Lights, and I’m fresh out of cash, as I’ve already told you. You drive over to that Walmart, and put that case in the Lincoln front seat. Then, two hours later you can come back, and on the seat where the Bud was, you’ll see my debit card.

You can bet on it.

email me for details at cleonburf@arkstatepen.org
God ‘n Clara will bless you, sir.
Cleon Burford