FBI Agent Threatens Writer With Arrest and Prosecution

Dane Zeller, Suspect

In today’s climate of transparency, I must divulge a threat made to me by one John Edward, an agent of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. My response to his surprising letter is included.

Federal Bureau of Investigation
Field Intelligence Unit
J. Edgar Hoover Building.
935 Pennsylvania Ave NW Washington, DC 20535,
USA.

Urgent Attention: Beneficiary,

I am special agent John Edward from the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) Field Intelligence Unit. We have just intercepted and confiscated a trunk at John F Kennedy International Airport coming from a foreign country.

We crosschecked the content of the box and found it contained a total sum of $4.1 million dollars. As we progressed in our investigations we learned that these funds were to be delivered to your residence as payment of an inheritance/winning, which was due to you.

The trunk According to section 229 subsection 31 of the International ,Commerce Regulators Code Enforcement Guidelines, your consignment lacks PROOF OF OWNERSHIP CERTIFICATE AND LEGAL DELIVERY PERMIT CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE and therefore you must contact us for direction on how to procure the two certificates.

You are therefore required to contact me within 72 hours on this email

Failure to comply may lead to your arrested, interrogation and/or you being prosecuted in the Court of Law for tax evasion and or money laundering.

Yours in service,

Agent John Edward,

***

Dear Mr. Edward

I was disappointed to receive your letter accusing me of financial misdeed. However, I was happy to see that you did find a place in government service, although it was not at the level you aspired to reach. Those campaign regulations can be tricky!

The funds in the trunk are simply my royalties from the sale of my book in Nigeria. The money in the trunk should total 3.1 million, not 4.1, a difference of one million dollars. My good friend, the right honorable Commissioner of Royalties of the Supreme Administrate of Nigeria, Ngambe Wazkifer, will attest to this under oath.

I recommend that you, unencumbered by interfering associates, bring the trunk to my home in Kansas City. There, you and I will verify the amount to be 3.1 million, not 4.1 million, a difference of one million dollars.

I look forward to your visit.

Dane Zeller
Writer

  • Timothy Hurley

    Nice.

    • danezeller

      As is your humor, Mr. Hurley.

  • CrazieTown.com

    What are you going to do with the $1 million unaccounted for. Wait. Oh, I see. Never mind, agent Edward. I know nothing.

    • danezeller

      A simple balancing of the books is in order, Mayor.