Shocking Claim by Author: “I wrote my whole novel on a portable Smith-Corona manual typewriter.”

The following interview of author Dane Zeller is conducted by Mr. O.M. Typing, editor of One Monkey Typing publications.

Smith Corona Typewriter

OM: Good afternoon, Mr. Zeller.

DZ: Good to be here, Mr. Typing.

OM: It is indeed an honor to interview such a distinguished writer who claims to have written his novel on a manual typewriter.

DZ: Claims?

OM: Correct. Surely no one will believe that you typed 80,000 words, one manual keystroke at a time, especially in this modern age.

DZ: That’s 60,000 words, sir. And I guarantee to you and your readers that “Smart Shield” is an honest-to-goodness home-made story typed on my Smith-Corona typerwriter.

OM: But there is a quicker way to write a novel, one that would catch spelling and grammatical mistakes. You are truly behind the times if you used a typewriter, Mr. Zeller.

DZ: That’s the problem with modern technology, sir. It leaves no room for craft. It requires little knowledge of spelling and grammar, and requires no physical stamina nor diligence on the part of the writer

OM: Can you prove you typed every word?

DZ: Certainly. I have brought with me my receipt for the 1963, Model 17, Smith-Corona portable typewriter that I bought from Dusty Dragon Antiques in Mission, Kansas.

OM: That’s it?

DZ: Of course not. I bought a ribbon on line at Ebay for $1.99 plus shipping.

OM: So?

DZ: I also bought a half-pint of whiteout from an art supply store.

OM: Could you show me the original manuscript?

DZ: I could, but my girlfriend used it as scrap paper to print out her novel.

OM: I don’t get it. She used it up?

DZ: She shredded it when she didn’t need it any longer.

OM: You don’t say.

DZ: I might add that my Smith-Corona typewriter was used by Robert Parker to type his novels, too.

OM: Okay, I get it. You’re a fiction writer.

DZ: Seriously, I can prove it.

OM: Ladies and gentlemen, that concludes our interview for today.

DZ: Just look at the period key and the comma key. the period is almost completely obliterated. The comma is still clear.

OM: We’ve been interviewing fiction writer Dane Zeller, author of “Smart Shield.”

DZ: He wrote short sentences, not ones complicated by clauses.

OM: I’m turning the mike off, Zeller.

DZ: And the quotation mark is nearly gone, too.

OM: Thanks for joining us.

DZ: I’m…

  • Tim Baker

    I believe you.

    • danezeller

      Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mr. Baker. My faith in readers is restored. Wait ’till you see the fishing lures I bought from a guy named Hemmingway!